Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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