they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
