wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
