I wish I could teleport
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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