Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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