one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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