Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
