dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
