paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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