After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
