I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
