I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
