so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
