everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
