there's paper in my vomit.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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