Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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