Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
