i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
