I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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