Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I CAN MOONWALK!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
