what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
