anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
