I have demons in me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
