she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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