I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
