I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
