Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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