why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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