Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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