do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
