okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
