I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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