And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
