FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
