then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
