Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
