Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
