i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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