I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
