Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
