I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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