Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Randomize
