When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
