he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
