You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
