i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
