can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
