your parents love me but you hate me
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
