Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
