Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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