she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
