OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
