Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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