I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
