Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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