She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
