i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
